Moderate Muslim Species Facing Extinction According to Naturalist David Attenborough

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In an emergency press conference held yesterday by the World Wild Life Foundation, renowned naturalist David Attenborough declared the “moderate Muslim” species was facing a real threat of extinction.

Describing his search for the species as “the most arduous” in his 60-year career, he grilled the international community and mass media for their demonization of the Muslim community, claiming their unsolicited calls for moderate Muslims to come out and condemn terrorism had endangered the species.

“Encumbering the moderate Muslim species with collective guilt based on the violent actions of a few members, has effectively wiped out the entire population”, he said to an audience of ashen-faced journalists.

Attenborough’s comments were met with indignation by many, including FOX news expert Steven Emerson. He slammed Attenborough for buying into the farcical idea that any Muslim could be “moderate”.

“They are a myth, much like the unicorn, the boogey-man and Santa Claus. I mean has this guy even been to the Independent Islamic State of Birmingham?! It’s teeming with extremists!”

Despite the fact that the subject of the “moderate Muslim” is such a well traversed topic of discussion, there is still much deliberation as to what the elusive creature actually looks like.

David Starkey, a noted Tudor historian by day and Islamic expert by night, shed some light on the subject in his thesis entitled “Where’s Ahmed?” which looks at his own extensive journey in searching for the moderate Muslim. He discussed how the quintessential moderate Muslim has “Homer Simpson-like tendencies” and “must be called Ahmed“.

The Muslim communities response to Attenborough’s findings so far have been bitter-sweet.

A spokesperson for the Council of World Muslims (CWM) issued a statement, saying:

“We are saddened to hear that the moderate Muslim species is facing extinction. But at least it means one less box for us to tick when we complete the next Census.”

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